FLIRTING TIPS- FLIRTING GESTURES!

FLIRTING GESTURES: The gestures that we use can signal interest, attraction and invitation - or discomfort, dislike and rejection.

When flirting, it is important to be aware of these cues, both in "reading" their body-language and in controlling the messages you are sending with your own gestures.

In conversation, gestures are mainly used to enliven, clarify and "punctuate" our speech, or to show understanding to what the other person is saying. In a flirtatious encounter, the amount of gestures, the directions of the gestures and the co-ordination of gestures can indicate the degree of interest and involvement your partner feels towards you.

Generally, however, someone who is interested in you will be more lively and animated in conversation, using more gestures when speaking in order to keep your attention, and more responsive gestures to show interest when you are speaking.

Similarly, you can signal in your partner, and keep their attention focused on you, by enhancing your speech with appropriate gestures: shifting your hands or head slightly at the end of sentences, using downward hand movements to emphasise a point. When your partner is speaking, you can show responsiveness by nodding in agreement, throwing up your hands in surprise, bringing them together in a "silent clap" of appreciation, etc.

Nodding can be used to control conversations. If you make single, brief nods while your partner is speaking, this a simple signs of attentiveness, which will maintain the flow of communication from the speaker. Double nods will change the rate at which the other person speaks, usually speeding up the flow, while triple nods or single, slow nods often interrupt the flow altogether, confusing the speakers that they might stop in their tracks. So, if you want to express interest and keep them talking with you, stick to brief single nods.

You can also watch for gestures which indicate anxiety and nervousness, such as hand-clasping movements and palm-rubbing. Basically anxious gestures are directed towards the anxious person's own body, while movements, directed away from the body, are a sign of confidence. As well as watching for these signals in your partner, you can control the impression you are making by using more confident, outward gestures.

As with posture, the greatest involvement and harmony is achieved when gestures of one person are echoed or reflected by the other. You may have noticed that this tends to happen a lot between people who like each other. Watch lovers in a bar or pub, and you will see that they often tend to lift their drinks and sip at the same time, and that many of their other body movements and gestures will be similar.

You can use this technique as a highly effective flirting technique. If you feel the conversation is not flowing easily, or seems awkward and uncomfortable, try to be more sensitive to the patterns of their gestures and body movements, and to reflect these in your own body language.

If the person that you are flirting with begins to copy their body language with yours, this is a sign that they are comfortable with you. Do not assume that this necessarily indicates sexual interest.

Female hair-flipping and head-tossing were among the gestures most often regarded as sexually flirtatious, along with repeated leg-crossing and movements designed to draw attention to their breasts.
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FLIRTING TIPS - FLIRTING DISTANCE

FLIRTING DISTANCE: The distance between you and the other person when flirting is important, simply because it affects his or her impression of you, and the quality of your interaction.

Perhaps even more importantly, paying attention to the other person's use of distance will tell you a great deal about their reactions and feelings towards you.

When you first approach an attractive stranger, having established an indication of mutual interest through eye contact,before moving any closer try to make eye contact again at about 4ft away.

At 4 ft, you are on the borderline between what are known as the "social zone" which is approximately from 4 to 12 ft and the "personal zone" which is approximately 18in to 4ft.

If you receive a positive response at 4ft, move to "arm's length" which is approximately about 2ft 6inches. If you approach much closer than this, especially within the 18in "personal/intimate zone" border, they may feel uncomfortable.

The "intimate zone" which is approximately less than 18inches is reserved for lovers, family and very close friends. If you are close enough to whisper and be heard, you are probably too close for comfort.

Especially in face-to-face encounters, these distance rules apply . When we are side by side with someone, it is easier to tolerate close distances.

This is because when you are alongside someone, it is easier just to turn away or avoid eye contact, which limits your involvement with the other person.

At the bar counter of a pub, you can therefore approach a bit closer than "arm's length" if you are alongside your target. Avoid "intrusive" body-language such as prolonged eye contact or touching.

The other person's discomfort wil show in their body language, if you have misjudged the appropriate distance. They may attempt to turn away or avert their gaze to avoid eye contact.

You may also see "barrier signals" such as folded or tightly crossed legs, or rubbing the neck with the elbow pointed towards you. If you see any of these signs, back off!

Finally, remember that different personalities may also react differently to your approach. Extroverts and anyone who feel at ease in company will be comfortable with closer distances than introverts and shy or nervous types.

Even the same person may vary from day to day, according to mood: when we are feeling depressed or irritable, we find close distances more uncomfortable.

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FLIRTING TIPS- NON-VERBAL FLIRTING

When members of the opposite sex meet for the first time, they are in a difficult, ambiguous and potentially risky situation.

Neither person knows what the other's intentions and feelings towards them are. Because expressing intentions and feelings verbally involves a high risk of embarrassment or possible rejection, body language becomes the main expression of communication.

Unlike words, body language can signal invitation, acceptance or refusal without being too obvious, without causing offence or making binding commitments.

The non-verbal flirting techniques contained in this section are powerful signals, and please use with caution.

Women should be extra careful when using these signals of interest and attraction as men can and often mistake friendliness for flirting and if your signals of interest are too direct and obvious, men will mistake them for sexual availability.

EYE CONTACT: Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. We think that our eyes are primary used for receiving information, but they are also senders of social signals.

How you look at another person, meet their gaze and look away can make all the difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and an embarrassing or hurtful moment.

Looking directly into the eyes of another person - is such a powerful act of communication that we normally use it for very brief glances.

Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates intense emotion, and can express love or hostility. Among a crowd of strangers in a public setting, eye contacts will generally last only a fraction of second, and most people avoid making any eye contact at all.

Even from across a crowded room at a party, you can signal your interest in someone merely by making eye contact and attempting to hold your target's gaze for more than one second (do not do this longer, or you will seem threatening).

If the person you are interested maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, the chances are that they might be interested. If after this first contact, your target looks away briefly and then looks back to meet your gaze a second time, you can safely assume that they are interested. If you receive a smile, you can approach your target with some confidence.

If your target avoids making eye contact with you, or looks away after a fraction of a second and does not look back again, you should probably assume that the person is not interested. Unless they are just a very shy person - and some females are wary of signalling any interest in male strangers. The only way to find out is by close observation of your target's behaviour towards others.

Does she consistently avoid direct eye-contact with men? Does he seem nervous, anxious or aloof in his interactions with other women? If so, your target's reluctance to meet your gaze may be nothing personal, and it might be worth approaching, but only with considerable caution.

Once you have approached your target, you will need to make eye contact again in order to strike up a conversation. As soon as your eyes meet, begin to speak. Once a conversation begins, it is normal for eye contact to be broken as the speaker looks away.

In conversations, the person who is speaking looks away more than the person who is listening, and turn-taking is governed by a characteristic pattern of looking, eye contact and looking away.

So, to signal that you have finished speaking and invite a response, look back at your target again. To show interest while your target is speaking, you need to look at their face for about three-quarters of the time, in glances lasting between one and seven seconds.

The person speaking will normally look at you for less than half this time, and direct eye contact will be intermittent, rarely lasting more than one second. When your target has finished speaking, and expects a response, he or she will look at you and make brief eye contact again to indicate that it is your turn.

The basic rules are: glance at the other person's face more when you are listening, glance away more when you are speaking and make brief eye contact to initiate turn-taking. The key words here are "glance" and "brief": avoid prolonged staring either at the other person or away.

The most common mistake people make when flirting is to overdo the eye contact in a premature attempt to increase intimacy.

This only makes the other person feel uncomfortable, and may send misleading signals. Some men also blow their chances by having a conversation with a woman's breasts, rather than her face.




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FLIRTING TIPS- HOW TO FLIRT!

The first key to successful flirting is not to show off and impress or be a braggart, to show that you like someone. If the person knows that you find them interesting and attractive, they will be more inclined to like you.

You don't have to be a rocket scientists to prove it. You already know that when you are told someone find you attractive, or hear that someone has said something nice or that they admired you, you automatically become more interested in this person- even if it a person that you have never met!

Showing that you like someone, and knowing whether or not the attraction is mutual, involves a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication skills.
When asked about flirting, most people are more worried about the verbal element: the problems of knowing what to say, finding the right words, etc.

In fact, body-language, tone of voice, etc. - is much more important, especially in the first stages of any flirtation.

When you first meet new people, their first impression of you will be based on your appearance and body-language, on your style of speaking and lastly on what you actually say.

Their body lanquage will tell you much more about their feelings towards you than the words they use. People show attitudes such as liking and disliking by the way they say it and the gestures, posture, and expressions that they use when they speak.

A typical polite greeting such as "pleased to meet you", for example, can mean anything from "I think you are attractive" to "Sorry, not interested in you", depending on the tone of voice, body language of the speaker.


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FLIRTING TIPS- WHO TO FLIRT WITH!

FLIRTING FOR FUN!

Basically, you can flirt with more or less anyone. An exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious talk can brighten the day, raise self-esteem and help you make friends. Flirtation at this basic level is harmless fun, and no one could possibly have any objections.

Do not intentionally flirt with people who are married or attached. Most people in long-term relationships can cope with a bit of flirting, and may even benefit from
knowing that others find them or their partners attractive, but couples differ in their tolerance of flirtatious behaviour, and it is important to be alert to signs of discomfort or distress.

Men have a tendency to mistake friendly behaviour for sexual flirting. This is not because we are stupid or deluded, but because we see the world in more sexual terms than women.

Women need to be particularly careful to avoid sending ambiguous signals in interactions with married men, and men need to be aware that married/attached males may misinterpret friendly behaviour towards their wives/girlfriends. Otherwise, light-hearted flirtation is both harmless and enjoyable.

INTENTIONAL FLIRTING:
But flirting is also an essential element of the mate-selection process, and when you are "intentional flirting", rather than just 'flirting for fun', you need to be a bit more selective about your choice of target.

In looking for a mate, follow these two basic rules about who to flirt with and you will increase your chances of success and reduce embarrassing
rejections.

1. Do initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself?

Women are more critical of their own physical appearance than man. This is partly because beauty standards for males are much less than for females, and a wider variety of shapes and features are considered attractive. But some men are also inclined to overestimate their attractiveness. If you are honest male, and do not consider yourself good-looking, remember that most men lack expertise social interaction, so polishing up your flirting skills could give you the edge over a more handsome rival.

2. Don't flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest.

Even if you are not looking for a long-term mate, you will enjoy flirting more with someone who is interested in you. So it makes sense to approach people who are likely to see you as at least a possible partner, rather than those likely to dismiss you as unsuitable.




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FLIRTING TIPS- FLIRTING IN THE WORKPLACE

WORKPLACE: At work, flirting is usually acceptable only in certain areas, with certain people and at specific times or occasions. Each workplace or working environment has its own unwritten rules regarding
flirting.

In some companies, the coffee machine or cafeteria may be the area to flirt, other companies may frown on any flirting during office hours, or between managers and staff, while others basically have
no such rules.

Careful watching your co-workers is the best way to discover the unspoken flirting rules of your own workplace, make sure that you watch the behaviour of the most highly regarded individuals in your
company, not the people who do not have much of a future in your company.

PARTICIPANT SPORT OR HOBBIES: Almost any sport or hobby can involve flirting. The level of flirting tends to be related to the standards of the participants and their enthusiasm towards the sport or hobby.

You will generally find a lot of flirting among beginners to the sport or hobby and less flirting among the more serious, competitive participants . There are of course exceptions to this rule, but
before joining a team or club, it is worth trying to find out if the members have burning ambitions to play in the national championships or win prestigious awards for their handiwork. If you are
just looking for opportunities to flirt, avoid the serious groups, and seek out clubs full of happy, sociable under-achievers.

SPECTATOR EVENTS: Although most sporting events and other spectator pastimes (such as theatre or cinema) have the advantage of providing conversation topics of mutual interest, they are not good places to
flirt, because social contact may limited to a short interval or breaks or require "missing the action".




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