FLIRTING TIPS- USING HUMOR

USING HUMOR: It is almost impossible to flirt successfully or enjoyably without the use of humour.Humour used properly can be a powerful flirting tool but it can easily backfire if abused or misused.

On the positive side, people that use humour are looked upon as more likeable. Trust and attraction increase when a light-hearted humour is used. The use of humour can reduce anxiety and establish a relaxed mood which helps a relationship to develop more rapidly. A slightly sexual joke or comment can raise the level of intimacy in a flirtatious conversation.

Inappropriate use of humour can ruin your chance for a successful romance. Making a sexual joke or comment too early, especially before a realtionship has been established, is the verbal equivalent of a bra snap. Males are more likely to make this kind of fatal mistake than women. Women, should be extra cautious in their use of sexual humour, as men are inclined to interpret this as a sign of sexual availability.

Humour is an essential part of flirting if you avoid causing offence or giving misleading signals. Flirting is by definition a light-hearted, playful form of social interaction. Flirting can lead to a serious, long-term relationship, but avoid too much seriousness in the early stages of flirting. The ability for light-hearted playfulness is equally important in the longer term relationships.

To help reduce tension and awkwardness in the early stages of flirting use humour. In my web page on opening lines, I advised the use of universally recognised conversation-starters, such as comments on the weather. Humour can help make beginning converstion more effective. A simple ironic twist such as "Beautiful day, isn't it?" during a blizzard or major rain storm will raise a smile if your target finds you attractive.

After mutual attraction has been established, the use of humour when flirting come naturally. It is a very natural instinct to try to make the other person smile. Constant reassurance that we are liked and appreciated, and smiles and laughter provide that reassurance by the person we like.

Playful teasing, is common when fliritng. Playful teasing or flirting helps partners increase the personal sharing between people and keeps the tone light-hearted and non-serious, and helps to escalate the level of disclosure and intimacy in a non-threatening manner. Males respond well to this form of humour, as it resembles the good-humoured exchanges of insults which are their normal means of expressing friendship among males.

The most common mistakes in flirting using is humour that overusing humour or monopolising the joke-telling, and failing to notice the person you are flirting with is bored or becoming frustrated. Women are more cautious in their use of humour, while men are more inclined to avoid heart-to-heart emotional seriousness.

If you feel you that you use excessive or inadequate use of humour. Watch carefully for signs of boredom or embarrassment - such as feet or body turning away from you, forced smiles, reduced eye-contact, reduced verbal attention-signals, fidgeting, defensive arm-crossing, etc. If you are overdoing the humour, these are your some of your signs to tone it down a bit. If you are being too serious, try to lighten up!




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FLIRTING TIPS - TALKING

TALKING: No one can tell you exactly what words to use, when flirting, but it is possible to provide some general guidelines on what to talk about, and how to express yourself, particularly in terms of mistakes and pitfalls to avoid.

Here is a list of real turn-off's:
(1)Being negative, talking too much about the bad side of life, and constantly complain about the world or your own problems.

(2)Talking too much about yourself and showing too little interest in others.

(3)Only talking about superficial things, repeating jokes and stories.

(4)Talking too slowly, pausing too long, taking too long to make a point.

(5)Failing to take full part in the conversation or express opinions.

(6)Talking in a monotone, not making eye-contact, expressing too little emotion.

(7)Using a serious tone of voice and expression, even when your partner is trying to be light-hearted or humorous.

(8)Easily sidetracked, engaging in meaningless chatter, too much slang.

Compliments, are almost always welcomed, and do not have to be witty or original. Do not be afraid of paying simple compliments such as "That's a nice jacket" or "That colour really looks nice on you", as they can be very effective.

Clearly, excessive use of compliments will make you seem artifically sweet, and the person you are flirting with might get bored with too much overwhelming niceness. Of all the ways you can bore someone, this is the least offensive way.

As a matter of basic social skills, males should avoid paying women embarrassing or offensive compliments. Some men need to learn that it is entirely possible to convey to a female friend or acquaintance that you find her physically attractive, without being rude.

A simple, admiring comment such as "You look lovely" or "You look pretty" or "You look stunning" is enough. Anything more detailed will cause embarrassment or offence. Make sure that the body-language is right as well: address the compliment to her face, not to her chest and without your eyes travelling up and down her body.

There are times, places and situations where a comment on a woman's appearance, no matter how innocent, would be inappropriate and potentially offensive. Only comment on a woman's appearance

(1) if you know her well enough and not as an opening line.(2) At times, places and situations where appearance is relevant - i.e. where it would be acceptable to comment on a man's appearance. If the situation is not one in which you would compliment a male acquaintance on his flattering new jacket or haircut, do not comment on a her appearance either.

Do not comment on a woman's figure unless you know her well, this compliment might please a girlfriend or close female friend.




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FLIRTING TIPS- TOUCH!

TOUCH:Touching is a powerful, subtle and complex form of communication. Touch can be used to convey a surprising variety of messages. Different touches can be used to express agreement, affection, or attraction; to offer support; to emphasise a point; to call for attention or participation; to direct; to greet; to congratulate; to establish or reinforce power-relations and to negotiate levels of intimacy.

Even the lightest touch can have a influence on our perceptions and relationships. Even a light, brief touch on the arm during an encounter between strangers has both immediate and lasting positive effects. Polite requests for help or directions, produced much more positive results when accompanied by a light touch on the arm.

When flirting, it is therefore important to remember that the language of touch, if used correctly, can help to advance the relationship, but use of this wrongly and you could ruin your chances forever.

Here are a few basic rules-of-thumb for first encounters with strangers of the opposite sex.

The first rule, for both sexes, is: touch, but be careful. Women are much less comfortable about being touched than men. Take care to avoid any touches which may seem threatening or over-familiar. Men shouldn't interpret women's touching as sexual invitations.

Appropriate touching will have positive benefits, but touching should initially be restricted to universally acceptable areas and levels. As a general rule, the arm is the safest place to touch A brief, light touch on the arm, to draw attention, express support or emphasise a point, is likely to be acceptable and to enhance your companion's positive feelings towards you.

Unless your companion is exceptionally shy and reserved, negative reactions to a simple arm-touch such as pulling the arm away probably indicate dislike or distrust.

If your companion finds you likeable or attractive, after a brief arm-touch, watch for other positive body-language signals, such as increased eye-contact, moving closer to you, more open posture or postural echo, more smiling, etc. Your arm-touch may even prompt an increase in verbal intimacy, so listen for any disclosure of personal information, or more personal questions.

If there are signs of a positive reaction to your arm-touch, you can try another arm-touch, this time touch a little longer. If this results in more signs ofintimacy from your companion, you might consider moving to a hand-touch.

A hand-touch, other than a sign of greeting or parting, is more personal than an arm-touch. By touching your companion's hand, you are opening negotiations towards more intimacy, so touch the hand lightly and briefly. Make it a question, not an order.

A negative reaction to your hand-touch, does not necessarily mean that your companion dislikes you, but it can indicate that your attempt to advance to the next level is either premature or unwelcome. A very positive reaction, can be taken as permission to try another hand-touch at an appropriate moment later on.

Positive reactions to a second hand-touch such as moving closer to you, reciprocal arm- and hand-touching, along with more personal questions, more disclosure of personal information and more expression of emotion - can be taken as permission to proceed, with caution, to nextlevel of intimacy. The next stages might involve a hand-squeeze or hand-hold, repeated twice before moving on to an arm over the shoulders, or perhaps a brief knee-touch. However any positive reactions to any of these touches can not be taken as permission to grope.)

Perform each touch two times before moving to the next level. By repeating the same touch, with a slightly longer period of time, you can check that reactions are still positive and acceptable. the double touch also tells your companion that the first touch was not accidental or unconscious, that you are looking for an increase in intimacy. Repeating the same touch before moving to the next level is a way of saying "Are you sure?".

FLIRTING TIPS - FLIRTING DISTANCE

FLIRTING DISTANCE: The distance between you and the other person when flirting is important, simply because it affects his or her impression of you, and the quality of your interaction.

Perhaps even more importantly, paying attention to the other person's use of distance will tell you a great deal about their reactions and feelings towards you.

When you first approach an attractive stranger, having established an indication of mutual interest through eye contact,before moving any closer try to make eye contact again at about 4ft away.

At 4 ft, you are on the borderline between what are known as the "social zone" which is approximately from 4 to 12 ft and the "personal zone" which is approximately 18in to 4ft.

If you receive a positive response at 4ft, move to "arm's length" which is approximately about 2ft 6inches. If you approach much closer than this, especially within the 18in "personal/intimate zone" border, they may feel uncomfortable.

The "intimate zone" which is approximately less than 18inches is reserved for lovers, family and very close friends. If you are close enough to whisper and be heard, you are probably too close for comfort.

Especially in face-to-face encounters, these distance rules apply . When we are side by side with someone, it is easier to tolerate close distances.

This is because when you are alongside someone, it is easier just to turn away or avoid eye contact, which limits your involvement with the other person.

At the bar counter of a pub, you can therefore approach a bit closer than "arm's length" if you are alongside your target. Avoid "intrusive" body-language such as prolonged eye contact or touching.

The other person's discomfort wil show in their body language, if you have misjudged the appropriate distance. They may attempt to turn away or avert their gaze to avoid eye contact.

You may also see "barrier signals" such as folded or tightly crossed legs, or rubbing the neck with the elbow pointed towards you. If you see any of these signs, back off!

Finally, remember that different personalities may also react differently to your approach. Extroverts and anyone who feel at ease in company will be comfortable with closer distances than introverts and shy or nervous types.

Even the same person may vary from day to day, according to mood: when we are feeling depressed or irritable, we find close distances more uncomfortable.

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