FLIRTING TIPS- EXCHANGING INFO!

EXCHANGING PERSONAL INFO: The most important thing about flirting is the exchanging of personal information. The conversation can hardly be called a flirting unless partners share some personal information.

When you first meet, sharing of personal information, even something like the weather or favourite sport, is a step towards intimacy.

If your partner discloses some such detail, you should share some similar information about yourself, perhaps something a little more personal. If the person you are flirting with likes you, they will most likely match your sharing with something similar. This kind of disclosure is a much more subtle and less threatening than asking direct personal questions.

The secret of successful flirting is to raise the level of intimacy gradually, try to maintain a balance between your sharing and the other person. Try not to reveal too much, or reveal too little.

If you are a male try not interpret disclosure of personal information from the other person as a sign of sexual availability.




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FLIRTING TIPS- LISTENING

LISTENING: Being a good listener have a distinct advantages in the flirting game. Even though this helps being a good listener is more than shutting up and letting the other person talk. Good listening skills is essentially about giving feedback, which involves giving both verbal and non-verbal signals to show that you are paying attention, and interested.

Effective body language signals are nodding, smiling, responsive facial expressions and leaning forwards. Good verbal feedback signals include the use of expressions such as "mm-hmm", "yeah", "mmm", "ah" to show agreement or interest and to encourage the other person to continue talking.

These basic feedback signals are highly effective in winning friends and influencing people. Even just a few nods can significantly improve your chances when flirting.

Another effective listening technique is to "paraphrase". To show that you are paying attention and interested, and to encourage your partner to continue talking, occasionally sum up what they have said, as in "…so you are enjoying your vacation?" Paraphrasing is very helpful if your partner seems a bit shy, insecure or anxious, it will make them feel more confident about talking to you.

You may have noticed that the question at the end of the "paraphrasing" example was an "open" question, rather than a "closed" question which requires only a yes or no response. If you want to encourage your partner to talk, try to ask more open questions, such as "What kind of food do you like?" than closed questions such as "Do you like Chinese food?"

Open questions begin with one of the following words: Who, What, When, Where, How, Why. Open questions are effective in informal social conversation - particularly in flirting!



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FLIRTING TIPS - TALKING

TALKING: No one can tell you exactly what words to use, when flirting, but it is possible to provide some general guidelines on what to talk about, and how to express yourself, particularly in terms of mistakes and pitfalls to avoid.

Here is a list of real turn-off's:
(1)Being negative, talking too much about the bad side of life, and constantly complain about the world or your own problems.

(2)Talking too much about yourself and showing too little interest in others.

(3)Only talking about superficial things, repeating jokes and stories.

(4)Talking too slowly, pausing too long, taking too long to make a point.

(5)Failing to take full part in the conversation or express opinions.

(6)Talking in a monotone, not making eye-contact, expressing too little emotion.

(7)Using a serious tone of voice and expression, even when your partner is trying to be light-hearted or humorous.

(8)Easily sidetracked, engaging in meaningless chatter, too much slang.

Compliments, are almost always welcomed, and do not have to be witty or original. Do not be afraid of paying simple compliments such as "That's a nice jacket" or "That colour really looks nice on you", as they can be very effective.

Clearly, excessive use of compliments will make you seem artifically sweet, and the person you are flirting with might get bored with too much overwhelming niceness. Of all the ways you can bore someone, this is the least offensive way.

As a matter of basic social skills, males should avoid paying women embarrassing or offensive compliments. Some men need to learn that it is entirely possible to convey to a female friend or acquaintance that you find her physically attractive, without being rude.

A simple, admiring comment such as "You look lovely" or "You look pretty" or "You look stunning" is enough. Anything more detailed will cause embarrassment or offence. Make sure that the body-language is right as well: address the compliment to her face, not to her chest and without your eyes travelling up and down her body.

There are times, places and situations where a comment on a woman's appearance, no matter how innocent, would be inappropriate and potentially offensive. Only comment on a woman's appearance

(1) if you know her well enough and not as an opening line.(2) At times, places and situations where appearance is relevant - i.e. where it would be acceptable to comment on a man's appearance. If the situation is not one in which you would compliment a male acquaintance on his flattering new jacket or haircut, do not comment on a her appearance either.

Do not comment on a woman's figure unless you know her well, this compliment might please a girlfriend or close female friend.




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FLIRTING TIPS- VERBAL FLIRTING

VERBAL FLIRTING: Although first impressions depends more on your appearance, body language and voice than on what you actually say, successful flirting also requires good conversation skills.

Know the rules of conversation, the unwritten laws of talking and listening. The most enjoyable conversations may seem entirely spontaneous, but the people involved are still obeying rules. The difference is that they are following the rules automatically, without consciously trying. But understanding how the rules of conversation work will help you in conversations and to flirt more successfully

Because women have better verbal and communication skills and are more socially sensitive, they tend to be more skilled at informal social conversation than men. But men can easily learn to be as skilled in the art of conversation by following a few simple rules. Men who take the trouble to improve their conversation skills have a definite advantage when flirting .

OPENING LINES

When the subject of flirting comes up, people seem to be obsessed with the using the right opening lines. Men talk about lines that work and hat have failed! While women laugh about men's use of opening lines, and all of us, would like to find the perfect, way to strike up a conversation with someone we find attractive.

Your opening line is not very important, The fact is that opening lines are seldom original, witty or elegant, and you should not expects them to be. The best opening lines are simple attempts to start a conversation.

Everyone knows that "Nice day, isn't it?" is a basic conversation starter and will do just fine. Just cause this opening line sounds like a questions, does not mean that you are unsure about the weather, it means that the you are trying to start a conversation.

A friendly response with positive body language, means "Yes, I'll talk to you"! But a expressionless response with body-language showing lack of interest means "No, I don't want to talk to you"! Also no verbal response at all, with body language signalling annoyance or dislike, means "Leave me alone!".

If you are indoors say something like "Isn't it a bit crowded in here?" or "Not much happening in here tonight, eh?") or commenting on the food, drink, music, etc., will serve same purpose as the weather comment. The words are unimportant, just make a vague, impersonal comment, either phrased as a question or as though you were asking a question.

This formula is extremely effective as a method of initiating conversation with strangers. This type of comment is unthreatening and non-intrusive; the questioning tone or 'isn't it?' ending invites a response and is not as demanding as a direct or open question.

The direct question demands and requires a reply, the interrogative comment allows the other person to respond minimally, or not respond at all, if he or she does not wish to talk to you.

In some social contexts - such as those involving sports, hobbies, learning, business or other activities having shared interests makes starting a conversation much easier. Your opening line can ask about the activity in question. There may even be a ritual procedure to follow for initiating conversation with a stranger. At a dance, for example, you can ask "Do you know if they have these dances regularly?" or something similiar.

Just make a general, impersonal comment on the event, activity, circumstances or surroundings, with a rising intonation or "isn't it?" type of ending. The person that you are trying to flirt with will recognise this as a conversation-starter, and their response will tell you immediately whether or not it is welcomed.

Generally, the longer the response, the better. If your target responds to your comment and gives ananswer of the same length or longer, this is a good sign. A personalised response, i.e. one including the word 'I' (like "Yes, I love this weather") is even more positive. A personalised response ending in a question or interrogative (rising) intonation (as in "I thought it was supposed to clear up by this afternoon?") is even better, and a personalised response involving a personalised question, i.e. a response including the words 'I' and 'you', is the most positive of all.

So, if you say "Nice day, isn't it?" and your target replies "Yes, I was getting so tired of all that rain, aren't you?", you are definitely in with a chance. There is nothing original, witty or clever about the above exchange. Don't dismiss the answer as polite, boring and insignificant. In fact, a great deal of vital social information has been exchanged. The opening comment has been recognised as a friendly invitation to a conversation, the invitation has been accepted, they have revealed something about themself , expressed interest in you, and even suggested that you might have something in common!

The biggest mistake most people make with opening lines is to try to start a flirtation, rather than simply trying to start a conversation. If you think about your opening line as starting a conversation, rather than starting a flirtation, and pay close attention to the verbal and body language response, you cannot go wrong. Even if they do not find you attractive and avoids your invitation to talk, you will avoid causing offence and you will avoid the humiliation of a direct rejection.



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FLIRTING TIPS- VOCAL SIGNALS

VOCAL SIGNALS: Vocal signals such as tone of voice, pitch, volume, speed of speech, etc. are like body-language in that they are not about what you say or the words you use, but how you say it.

While body language may be your most important flirting tool, vocal signals come a very close second. The more you think about that , the more concerned you should be that your vocal signals make the best possible impression. Reading the vocal signals of the person you are flirting with will also help you to find out how they really feels about you.

Attraction and interest are communicated by the tone of voice than by what is actually said. Depending on the tone, volume, speed and pitch, even a simple phrase such as "Good evening" can mean anything from "Wow, you're hot" to " Move on and get away from me as quickly as possible".

If your target gives you a slow, deep low pitched, "Good evening", with a slight rise in pitch at the end, like asking a question, this is can be an indication of attraction or interest. If you get a short, high-pitched, expressionless "Good evening", they are probably not interested.

When in conversation, remember that the intonation of even a single word can communicate an immense variety of emotions and meanings. Try practising using variations in your voice for the word "Yeah", and you will find that you can communicate anything from total agreement to reluctant acceptance to scepticism or total disbelief.

Speaking with little variation in pitch, pace or tone of voice, you will be thought of as boring and dull, even if you are saying something fascinating or amusing. Loud booming tone and too much variation in pitch will make you seem overbearing. Speak too quietly or too slowly and you will seem submissive or even depressed. Aim for moderation in volume and tone, and pitch and pace to hold their interest.

Remember that a rising or falling intonation, especially when accompanied by a drop in volume, signals that they have finished talking and are ready to listen to you. When you hear these vocal signals, your companion is probably indicating that it is your turn to speak. When your companion hears these signals, they might assume that it is their turn to talk. Do not frequently end sentences on a rising or falling intonation, with a drop in volume, and then continue talking without allowing them to speak, they will soon become frustrated. Taking your turn when your companion has not given any cues, even if he or she has finished a sentence, will be perceived as interruption, and rude.



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FLIRTING TIPS- FACIAL GESTURES!

FLIRTING FACIAL GESTURES: An ability to understand facial expressions will improve your chances of successful flirting, as well as knowing what you are signalling with your own expressions.

Some expressions can be effective even from a distance,the "eyebrow-flash", for example, which is raising the eyebrows very briefly is universally known and used as a long-distance greeting signal.

When you see someone you know, but are not near enough to speak, the eyebrow-flash shows that they have been noticed and recognised.

Use this non-verbal "Hello!" in situations where we cannot use the verbal equivalent, either because of distance or social convention.

If you are desperate to attract the attention of an attractive stranger across a crowded party, you could try the "eyebrow-flash". The person that you are trying to flirt with might think that you must be a friend or acquaintance, even though they do not recognise you.

When you approach, may be already be wondering who you are. You can use this confusion to initiate a lively discussion about where you might have met before. Such conversations start with possible shared interests or friends or habits, and sooner or later involve mutual disclosure of personal information.

So, assuming your target finds you attractive, an eyebrow-flash with appropriate follow-up could leapfrog you into instant intimacy.

If your target does not find you attractive, the eyebrow-flash strategy may backfire.

If your target is attracted to you, this may be more obvious from facial expressions than by words. Women are generally better than men at reading these expressions, but both have equal difficulty in seeing through people's expressions when they are controlling their faces to hide their real feelings.

Although faces do express genuine feelings, any facial expression that occur naturally can also be artificial for social purposes.

Smiles and frowns, can be spontaneous expressions of happiness or anger, but they can also be manufactured as deliberate signals, such as frowning to indicate doubt or displeasure or smiling to signal approval or agreement, etc.

We rely more on facial expressions than on any other form of body language. When communicating, we watch our companions' faces rather than their hands or feet, and their facial signals to tell us what effect we are having, and how to interpret what they say.

Although people are better at controlling their facial expressions than other aspects of body language, the following clues will help you to detect insincerity.

Let's say the person that you are flirting with smiles at you. How do you know whether this smile is real or fake? There are four ways of telling the difference.

First, real smiles produce wrinkles around the eyes, which will not appear if the smile is forced out of politeness.

Second, fake smiles tend to be asymmetrical (stronger on the left side of the face in right-handed people and on the right side of the face in left-handed people).The third clue to insincerity is in the timing of the smile: unspontaneous smiles tend to occur at socially inappropriate moments in the conversation (e.g. a few seconds after you have made a funny remark, rather than immediately).

Finally, there is a clue in the duration of the smile, as a fake smile tends to be held for a longer time and then disappear.

When observing facial expressions, remember that although an expressive face - showing amusement, surprise, agreement etc. at the appropriate moments and may indicate that they return your interest, people do naturally differ in their degree and style of emotional expression.

Women naturally smile more than men, and show emotions more clearly in their facial expressions.

You are also likely to interpret expressions differently depending on who is making them. People may read the same expression as "fear" when they see it on a female, but as "anger" when it appears on a male.

If an attractive stranger smiles at you, it could be that they find you attractive, but they could also be an outgoing, sociable person who smiles a lot.

When considering the effect of your own facial expressions, these factors must also be taken into account. People tend to be put off by levels of expressiveness that are considerably higher or lower than what they are used to, so try to match the amount of emotion you express with your face to the person you are flirting with.

Your face should be constantly informative during a flirtatious conversation. A blank face, can be taken as lack of interest when you are listening and an absence of facial emphasis when you are speaking can be disturbing to the viewer.

Show interest and understanding when listening, and to show interest and comprehension when speaking, through facial signals such as eyebrows raised to display surprise or for emphasis; the corners of the mouth turning up in amusement; nodding to indicate agreement; frowning in puzzlement; smiling to show approval, or to indicate that what you are saying should not be taken too seriously, and so on.

Finally, remember that the person you are flirting with is likely to be watching you for tiny signs of insincerity, so a social smile will be more attractive than none at all.

FLIRTING TIPS- TOUCH!

TOUCH:Touching is a powerful, subtle and complex form of communication. Touch can be used to convey a surprising variety of messages. Different touches can be used to express agreement, affection, or attraction; to offer support; to emphasise a point; to call for attention or participation; to direct; to greet; to congratulate; to establish or reinforce power-relations and to negotiate levels of intimacy.

Even the lightest touch can have a influence on our perceptions and relationships. Even a light, brief touch on the arm during an encounter between strangers has both immediate and lasting positive effects. Polite requests for help or directions, produced much more positive results when accompanied by a light touch on the arm.

When flirting, it is therefore important to remember that the language of touch, if used correctly, can help to advance the relationship, but use of this wrongly and you could ruin your chances forever.

Here are a few basic rules-of-thumb for first encounters with strangers of the opposite sex.

The first rule, for both sexes, is: touch, but be careful. Women are much less comfortable about being touched than men. Take care to avoid any touches which may seem threatening or over-familiar. Men shouldn't interpret women's touching as sexual invitations.

Appropriate touching will have positive benefits, but touching should initially be restricted to universally acceptable areas and levels. As a general rule, the arm is the safest place to touch A brief, light touch on the arm, to draw attention, express support or emphasise a point, is likely to be acceptable and to enhance your companion's positive feelings towards you.

Unless your companion is exceptionally shy and reserved, negative reactions to a simple arm-touch such as pulling the arm away probably indicate dislike or distrust.

If your companion finds you likeable or attractive, after a brief arm-touch, watch for other positive body-language signals, such as increased eye-contact, moving closer to you, more open posture or postural echo, more smiling, etc. Your arm-touch may even prompt an increase in verbal intimacy, so listen for any disclosure of personal information, or more personal questions.

If there are signs of a positive reaction to your arm-touch, you can try another arm-touch, this time touch a little longer. If this results in more signs ofintimacy from your companion, you might consider moving to a hand-touch.

A hand-touch, other than a sign of greeting or parting, is more personal than an arm-touch. By touching your companion's hand, you are opening negotiations towards more intimacy, so touch the hand lightly and briefly. Make it a question, not an order.

A negative reaction to your hand-touch, does not necessarily mean that your companion dislikes you, but it can indicate that your attempt to advance to the next level is either premature or unwelcome. A very positive reaction, can be taken as permission to try another hand-touch at an appropriate moment later on.

Positive reactions to a second hand-touch such as moving closer to you, reciprocal arm- and hand-touching, along with more personal questions, more disclosure of personal information and more expression of emotion - can be taken as permission to proceed, with caution, to nextlevel of intimacy. The next stages might involve a hand-squeeze or hand-hold, repeated twice before moving on to an arm over the shoulders, or perhaps a brief knee-touch. However any positive reactions to any of these touches can not be taken as permission to grope.)

Perform each touch two times before moving to the next level. By repeating the same touch, with a slightly longer period of time, you can check that reactions are still positive and acceptable. the double touch also tells your companion that the first touch was not accidental or unconscious, that you are looking for an increase in intimacy. Repeating the same touch before moving to the next level is a way of saying "Are you sure?".

FLIRTING TIPS- FLIRTING POSTURES!

FLIRTING POSTURE:
Most of us can maintain an expression of polite interest, such as nodding when we do not agree! On the other hand, we tend to be less conscious of what the rest of our body is doing.

We may be smiling and nodding, but we show our disagreement with tightly folded arms. This is known as sending mixed signals, while we're busy controlling our words and faces, our real feelings show in our posture.

When flirting, you should be on watch for signs of this in their posture, and try to send the right signals with your own posture.

Their mixed signal can give you advance warning when your approach isn't working. If their head is turned towards you, while the rest of the body pointed in another direction, this is a sign that you do not have your partner's full attention.

Even just the feet starting to turn and "point" away from you can be a sign that their attention is directed elsewhere, or that they are thinking about moving away. Leaning backwards and supporting the head on one hand are signs of boredom. Closed postures with arms folded and legs tightly crossed express disagreement or dislike.

Positive signs to keep an eye for are their body is oriented towards you, particularly if they are also leaning forward, in an open posture.

These are signs of attentiveness and interest or liking. Females are more likely to tilt their heads to one side when they are interested in the person they are talking to. Do not automatically assume that these signs indicate sexual interest.

Another positive sign is when your partner unconsciously adopts a posture similar to yours. Mirror imaging where one person's left side copies the other person's right side - are the strongest indication of harmony and rapport between the pair.

If the position of your partner's body and limbs appear to mirror your own, particularly if their posture is the exact of yours, the chances are that they feel an closeness to you.

When flirting, you can also use mirror image to create a feeling of togetherness and harmony. Even though people are not consciously aware of someone deliberately copying their postures, they look upon the person who does this more favourably.

When you copy their postures, they will not only feel more at ease in your company, but will perceive you as more like-minded.

Males adopt postures which make them appear taller, larger and more impressive, such as placing hands in pockets with elbows out to enlarge the chest, or leaning one hand at above shoulder height on a wall to appear taller and more imposing.

Females either adopt postures which make them look smaller, such as drawing the knees towards the body when seated, or postures which draw attention to physical attributes, such as arching the back to display the breasts, or to draw attention to their legs crossing and re-crossing them.